Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Star Trek Voyager or Blackadder. This is just a piece of fanfic written for enjoyment. Dedicated to my friends SaRa and Claire over at the Blackadder Ladies Club. (Jean Akins)
SCENE: The corridor just outside the holodeck aboard Voyager. We see Ensign Harry Kim and two members of the Blackadder Ladies Club: SaRa and Claire.
SaRa: What do you mean, it's 'Out of Order'?
Harry: Simply that. The holodecks are out of order until further notice. It wouldn't be safe to use until repairs are made. The safety features wouldn't be in place, so if anyone were to go in and use it, there could be serious injuries or even fatalities. We can't have that, now can we?
Claire: Do you know how long we've waited for this Blackadder program? And now it'll have to be indefinitely postponed?
Harry: Sorry, ladies. I'll let you know when it's ready, okay?
SaRa: Well, I guess we don't have any choice, do we?
Claire: What now?
SaRa: I guess we'll go back home. What else?
Harry: How about a snack over at the mess hall before you leave?
SaRa: No, thanks, Harry. I don't have much of an appetite now.
Claire: Me neither. But thanks anyway.
Harry: Please know that I feel just as badly about this as you do.
SaRa: No offense, Harry, but I doubt it. After all, how badly do YOU want to shag Edmund Blackadder?
Claire: Or George? Do you have any long pent-up desire to shag George?
Harry: Uh, no.
SaRa: Then you don't really feel as badly about this as you think you do. See you later.
Claire: Yeah. We'll wait for your message.
The two young females head down the corridor and keep going until they reach the spot where the vortex is located. It is the vortex leading to the wormhole linking their world with Voyager's. They are just about to enter it when a light appears before them. A figure materializes. It is Q2, the son of Q. He smiles at SaRa and Claire.
Q2: Hello, ladies.
SaRa: Hello. Uh, don't I know you?
Q2: Do you?
Claire: You're Q2! Wey-hey! SaRa! He's the son of Q! Remember? This is SO cool! What are you doing here?
Q2: Thought I'd lend a hand. You both want to be in the world of Blackadder, right?
SaRa: Well, duh! You overheard Harry telling us the holodecks are out of whack at the moment?
Q2: Holodecks. Pshaw! Why settle for unreal images consisting of photons and force fields when you can have the real thing?
Claire: Huh? What are you saying?
Q2: You two lucky ladies happen to be at the right place at the right time. I'm in a fun-loving good mood, so I'm going to 'grant your wish', so to speak.
He snaps his fingers. All three of them disappear from Voyager.
SCENE: The Regency Period of England. Home of Prince George. Q2, SaRa and Claire materialize in the prince's chambers.
SaRa: Wow! That was fast! Did that just take only a SECOND to get us here?
Q2: Yep. Don't let anyone ever tell you that being an omnipotent Q is overrated.
Claire: Oh, we won't. We won't.
SaRa: Where are we? Whoa, this looks kind of familiar.
Claire: SaRa, I think we're in the bedroom of Prince George! But where is everybody?
Q2: Blackadder and Baldrick are downstairs in the kitchen. The prince is in the drawing room. Now, ladies, remember. This is NOT a holodeck program. You are actually back in time in the Regency Period in the world of Blackadder.
SaRa: Wait a second. How can that be? I can understand you being able to transport us back in time, but we know that Blackadder is a fictional creation, a tv series. How can you actually transport us to something that's not real and yet not a holodeck program?
Q2: I'd advise you not to worry about such things, and just relax and enjoy yourselves, okay, ladies?
Claire: Okay! Come on, SaRa! This is a chance of a lifetime! Just think: Sprite got to shag the holodeck versions of Prince George and Edmund Blackadder, but WE'LL get to have the REAL THINGS! Hee-hee!
SaRa: Well, okay.
Q2: I'll take my leave now. (bows and is about to snap his fingers)
SaRa: Wait! How do we get back home afterward?
Q2: Not to worry. I'll be checking back here periodically to make sure you're all right. When you're both ready to return home, I'll take you back personally.
Claire: This sounds too good to be true.
SaRa: Yes, it does. What do you get out of all this, Q2?
Q2: Ladies, you wound me! Can't you believe that I'm doing this out of the goodness and generosity of my heart?
SaRa: Guess we have no choice but to take your word for it.
Q2: That's right. Because I'm not going to bring you back home until you've both experienced what you came here for. 'Bye-bye! (disappears)
Claire: SaRa, are you nervous?
SaRa: Oh, yeah! Look at my hands! They're trembling!
Claire: Take deep breaths. Try to relax. Just think! Blackadder and George! Which one do you want to do first?
SaRa: What? Did you forget Baldrick is in this house, too?
Claire: Eeewww! Are you suggesting we shag smelly little Baldrick, too? Don't even joke about that!
SaRa: Shhhh! Listen! Someone's coming! Claire, I'm scared!
Claire: Oh, shit! Me, too!
The two girls panic and dive underneath the bed to hide.
The door to the prince's chambers opens. Edmund Blackadder enters the room. He opens a dresser drawer and removes a dozen pairs of the prince's brand new socks, then places them in a bag he brought with him. He closes the drawer and smiles.
Blackadder (softly to himself): Shouldn't take long to unload these on the black market. A butler's got to have a decent amount of pocket money, more than what Prince Thickie currently pays me.
SaRa and Claire are petrified as the reality sinks in that Edmund Blackadder is only a couple of feet away from them. The man they have long dreamt of shagging is at this moment in the very same room with them, yet they are too terrified to crawl out from under the bed to meet him.
SaRa (thinking to herself): What the hell is wrong with us? We didn't come here to hide under Prince George's bed! We should be ON the bed shagging Blackadder right now!
Claire (thinking to herself): OMIGOSH! I want to move, but I can't! I'm too scared! Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit! What if he finds us? Aaaggghhh!
SaRa pinches Claire. Hard. On the arm.
Claire (loudly): OOOWWW!
SaRa (whispering): Sorry. Had to do something to get us moving.
Claire (whispering): Pinch yourself, why don't you??!!!
SaRa: OH, SHIT!
The two girls find themselves staring at the butler, for he heard Claire's outburst and dropped to the floor to see who was there underneath the bed.
Blackadder: Who the blazes are you? Get out from there, the both of you, this very instant!
SaRa and Claire crawl out from under the bed.
The door opens. Prince George enters.
Prince George: Blackadder, what's going on in here? Who are these two girls and what are they doing in my private chambers?
Blackadder: I was just about to ask them, sir. I found them hiding underneath your bed.
SaRa and Claire are too terrified to speak. First they stare at Prince George and Blackadder, then quickly look down, too ashamed to look them in the eye.
Prince George: Hello, what's this? I almost tripped over this, whatever it is. (He picks up the bag of socks that Blackadder had dropped moments ago.) Good Lord! Blackadder, take a look inside! My socks! My brand new socks!
The prince rushes over to his dresser and opens a drawer.
Prince George: Ah-ha! Well, it's obvious what's happened here, Blackadder! Now we know how my socks keep disappearing no matter how many pairs I buy!
Blackadder (nervously): Uh, we do, sir?
Prince George: Yes! We've caught the burglars! Who would have thought they'd turn out to be a pair of such innocent-looking girls?
SaRa and Claire stare at Prince George, then look at Blackadder.
Blackadder: Uh, yes. Who'd have thought?
SaRa: We are NOT burglars!
Claire: We certainly are NOT! We haven't stolen a thing!
Prince George: No? Well, I've got the evidence right here! And you two are in my home uninvited, so you must have broken in somehow and were about to make off with my socks!
SaRa: You've got it all wrong, Prince George! All wrong!
Claire: Please believe us! We're not thieves!
SaRa: If you really want to know who's been taking your socks, why don't you ask Mr. Blackadder?
Claire: Yes. Mr. Blackadder, tell him about that bag of socks, won't you?
SaRa and Claire stare directly at Blackadder, as if daring him to lie to the prince.
Blackadder (shrugging his shoulders): Well, I certainly don't know anything about it.
SaRa and Claire stare incredulously at Blackadder.
Blackadder: Sir, I suggest we just let these girls leave. You have your socks. I'm sure they've learned their lesson and won't be coming around here anymore, won't you girls?
SaRa and Claire quickly nod yes.
Prince George: I don't know, Blackadder. I really should press charges and have the both of them locked up. Perhaps serving a few years in a dank, smelly cell would drive the lesson even further home, don't you think? And being given only rations of stale bread and water during that time.
SaRa and Claire are trembling with fear at the thought of such a fate.
Blackadder: Oh, no, sir. No need for anything that drastic. Look at how frightened they are. I think you've succeeded in turning these impressionable young girls away from the path of crime and toward the path of goodness. Hasn't he, girls?
SaRa and Claire nod nervously, but inside they are seething at Blackadder.
Blackadder: Good work, sir! You have every reason to be proud of yourself! Turning these wayward girls away from a life of crime, why that's absolutely commendable!
Prince George (feeling right proud of himself): Why, thank you, Blackadder.
Blackadder: Well, I'll just show these girls out, sir.
Prince George (changing his mind): Wait, Blackadder. And hold right there, you girls. I still think you two should serve some sort of punishment. Blackadder, I fear simply letting them off like this would be much too lenient, and tomorrow they'll be getting into trouble again.
Blackadder (sighing): Sir, do you really think that's necessary?
Prince George: Yes, Blackadder, I do! Guards! Guards! Get in here!
Blackadder: Oh, dear.
Four armed guards rush into the room.
Prince George: Guards, take these two girls into custody until I figure out a suitable punishment for them.
SaRa: No!
Claire: I can't believe this is happening!
The guards escort the girls out of the room.
Blackadder (feeling guilty about what's happened): Sir, I think I have an idea for a suitable punishment for those two.
Prince George: Oh? Let's hear it.
SCENE: A week later in the laundry room which is connected to the kitchen in the basement of the home of Prince George. SaRa and Claire are dressed in drab maids' uniforms and are toiling away washing clothes and linens.
SaRa: Oh! I'm SO pissed at Blackadder! To think I actually wanted to shag him! Look what he's got us doing!
Claire: Well, it's better than serving a few years being locked up in a dank, smelly cell and being fed only bread and water.
Baldrick comes over.
Baldrick: Here you go. (hands them a large basket filled with dirty clothes, then returns to the kitchen)
SaRa: Arrgghh! I will NEVER take my home washing machine and clothes dryer for granted EVER again!
Claire: Where the hell is Q2? He said he'd check up on us periodically to make sure we're all right.
SaRa: I hate this! I really do hate this! Doing laundry! Scrubbing floors! Washing dishes! Polishing silverware! Dusting furniture! We're supposed to be getting some jolly good mind-bending high-quality shagging! NOT doing menial labor! And I'm on VACATION, too! Some vacation!
Claire: Well, don't yell at me about it! I'm on your side, you know!
SaRa (whispering): Pssst! Look, there he is in the kitchen. He's just reading the paper and sipping tea. Not such a hard-working buter, is he? He's got Baldrick and us doing most of the grunt work.
Claire: Well, we already knew he was like that from watching the episodes, right? But we still want to shag him rotten, don't we?
SaRa: Are you out of your mind? After what he's got us doing? You still want to have sex with him?
Claire: Why not? We've come this far. Speaking for myself, I don't plan to return home until after I've shagged me a piece of that yummy butler's goodies. He's still a fine-looking hunk, don't you think?
Blackadder (calling out to them from the kitchen): Girls! Less chatter in there, and more work! Got it?
SaRa (glaring): OH!!! Claire, I think he's a scheming, lying, arrogant, self-centered bastard! And I don't know what I ever saw in him! I can't believe there was a time in my life when I dreamed of making love to him in every which way possible!
Claire: Well, I won't pressure you, dear. In fact, it just leaves all the more for me.
SaRa: What?! Wake up and smell the coffee, Claire! Do you really think you have a chance of getting into bed with him? How are you going to pull that off? This is NOT a holodeck program where we can have Harry set it up for us ahead of time so that it turns out just the way we want it to happen! Q2 said this is REAL! There are too many uncontrollable variables here! For instance, we didn't take into account that we'd end up as MAIDS in Prince George's home! Look at us! Look at these hideous outfits we're wearing! Oh, god! Look at my hands! My dishpan hands! (starts to cry)
Claire (puts her arms around her): Oh, SaRa, honey, please don't cry! I'm sorry! We'll get through this somehow. We have to. Damnit! Where's Q2?
Suddenly he appears.
Q2: Right here, ladies. Ugh. What's with the drab outfits?
Claire: It's about time you got here! Everything's gone wrong! Terribly wrong!
SaRa: Take us home, Q2! Right now! I hate it here! I want to go home where I have electrical appliances to do all this crappy work!
Q2: Are you sure you want to return home now? What about your plans to have your way with Blackadder and Prince George?
SaRa: Oh, I'd love to have my way with Blackadder all right! Lemme at him! I want to kick the crap out of that arrogrant butler!
Q2: Well, SOMEBODY'S singing a totally different tune today, isn't she?
Claire: Blackadder's responsible for us now working as maids. But I still want to shag him rotten. Uh, SaRa, if you insist on kicking the crap out of Blackadder, can you wait until after I'm done shagging him? I'd like to enjoy him without any marks or bruises on him, okay?
Q2: Claire, you still want to have your way with him? Good for you. Let's see what I can do for you in that department. Now, keep in mind, I can't affect his attitude toward you. That's entirely up to you.
Claire: But you're a Q! You're omnipotent!
Q2: Yes. But in this situation, there are rules even I have to follow.
Claire and SaRa look puzzled.
Q2: I'll explain later.
SCENE: Later that evening in Prince George's chambers. Blackadder is helping the prince change out of his clothes to prepare for bed.
Blackadder (thinking to himself): Of all the masters to have, I get one who's too stupid to know how to change out of his own clothes. Oh, god, it's pathetic.
There is a knock at the door. Then it opens. It is Claire, only she is no longer wearing the drab maid's uniform. Q2 changed it into a very saucy body-hugging French maid's uniform, complete with black fishnet stockings. He also gave her an especially attractive new hairstyle and a perfect subtle flattering makeup job, plus the final touch: a delicate light fragrant perfume guaranteed to make any man her slave. She is most fetching. Blackadder and Prince George stare at her and can't believe this is same grungy-looking girl from before who toiled away scrubbing floors just this very morning.
Claire (speaking in her most sultry voice): Good evening, sirs. I'm just here to turn down the bedcovers for the prince.
Prince George: Oh, yes. By all means, please do. Blackadder, move aside. Let's get out of her way.
Claire: Thank you, sirs.
She slowly sashays over toward the bed using a very provocative walk. Claire's back is to them, but she smiles as she knows they can't take their eyes off of her attractive slim figure in that black sexy French maid's uniform with the white lace trim. She pretends not to notice as she turns down the bedcovers.
Claire (smiles): There you are. I bid you good-night, sirs. (turns to leave)
Prince George (gazing at her): What's the rush, Claire? Stay and keep me company for a little while. I really don't know much about you. Tell me about yourself and where you're from.
Blackadder: Sir, do you think it's a good idea to be overly familiar with the staff? Allow me to take her off your hands. There's a whole list of tasks I can give her to do.
Prince George: Oh, pshaw, Blackadder! If I want to get better acquainted with my staff, I'll do it! I'm the prince and can do jolly well whatever I want! So run along now. That's an order.
Blackadder (looking frustrated): Very well, sir. Good-night. And good-night, Claire.
Claire: Good-night, Mr. Blackadder.
Claire gleefully notices that as Blackadder walks out of the room he holds a tray in front of his pelvic region as if to hide something. She wonders what kind of tasks Blackadder had in mind to give her if the prince hadn't insisted he leave. Would it have anything to do with giving a certain butler an all-over body massage, then spreading her legs and allowing him to take her again and again, as he's been without female companionship for god-knows how long? Claire smiles to herself. Your turn will come soon, Edmund, she thinks. But for now she has the perfect opportunity to do what she's dreamt of doing for a very long time: shag Prince George.
Claire closes the door after Blackadder leaves, then turns to the prince who is lying on the bed.
Claire (smiling at Prince George): I thought he'd never leave.
Prince George grins and pats the other side of the bed, inviting her to join him.
SCENE: Two hours later. The kitchen. Baldrick is putting away the clean dishes. Blackadder sits and ponders.
Blackadder: Baldrick, have you noticed anything different about one of our maids? The one named Claire?
Baldrick: You mean how nice she looks and smells?
Blackadder: Yes. When did that happen?
Baldrick: Sometime earlier this evening. I was coming back from taking out the trash. She walked past me through the kitchen to head upstairs. I didn't recognize her until she spoke.
Blackadder: What did she say?
Baldrick: She told me good-night and smiled real pretty-like at me. Wow. She looked so beautiful!
Blackadder: I see. Baldrick, you've spent at least a week working down here with her. Has she ever asked about me?
Baldrick: You? No, sir.
Blackadder: Are you sure? She's never asked about me or said anything about me?
Baldrick: Well, not to my face she hasn't. Why?
Blackadder: Oh, never mind. Good-night, Baldrick. I'm going to bed.
Baldrick: Good-night, Mr. Blackadder.
SCENE: Blackadder is in his room, and is getting ready for bed. He sits on a chair as he removes his shoes and clothing. There is a knock on the door.
Blackadder: Who is it?
SaRa: It's the maid, sir. Come to see if you need anything before you retire for the night.
Blackadder eagerly opens the door, thinking it's Claire on the other side. To his surprise it is SaRa. And she's out of uniform. Q2 changed her drab maid's uniform into a body-hugging black leather Dominatrix outfit complete with spike-heeled boots. SaRa carries a riding crop in her hand. He also gave her a most flattering new hairstyle and (like for Claire) a perfect subtle makeup job and a light spritz of that same delicate fragrant perfume guaranteed to make any man her slave.
Blackadder: Oh, it's you. The other one.
SaRa: My name is SaRa. I'll thank you to remember that.
Blackadder: Uh, yes. Good lord, SaRa. What on earth are you wearing?
SaRa: Something special I thought would be appropriate for the occasion.
Blackadder: Occasion? What are you talking about? What's so special about today?
SaRa: You'll see.
She enters the room and closes the door behind her. There is no lock on the door, she notices.
Blackadder: Now look here, SaRa. I don't know what you're up to, or what kind of game you're trying to play here. But you need to leave right now. I'm tired and I need my rest.
SaRa: Tired? From what? You don't work very hard from what I've seen. It's Baldrick, Claire and I who do 99% of the grunt work in this place. You're usually down in the kitchen sipping tea and reading the newspaper. How hard can that be?
Blackadder: How dare you?! If it weren't for me, the prince would have had the both of you locked in a prison cell for the next several years. And you'd be given rations of only stale bread and water. At least you've been spared that.
SaRa: Yes, thanks to you I've got dishpan hands and I've been toiling away at menial tasks that I wasn't meant to be doing! I'm on a frickin' vacation, for crying out loud! What the hell kind of vacation is this?!
Blackadder: Vacation? What are you babbling about?
SaRa is emotionally torn inside. She came up to his room with every intention of kicking the crap out of this arrogrant butler. But now being in his room and standing so close to him with the light hitting his face just right, oh that handsome face, and seeing him in his partially undressed state she can see his wiry, sinewy body. She can't think clearly, can't stay focused on what she planned to do. She tries not to think of his body, the same body she's dreamt of shagging due to the many hours of watching the Blackadder tv episodes.
SaRa (thinking to herself): Oh, god, I'm pathetic! Concentrate! Focus! Think of what he's put me through for the past week! Ordering me around to do those frickin' chores! I hate him! I want to hurt him so much!
Blackadder: Did you hear me? I'll repeat it in case your tiny mind went wandering off somewhere. What are you babbling about? What vacation?
SaRa charges at him and even though she doesn't weigh much, she uses the force of her momentum which enables her to knock him flat on his back onto the bed. She pins him down and glares at him. Face to face with him. Edmund Blackadder. Those eyes. Those beautiful brown eyes. Damn him and those eyes! Are those flecks of gold in them? Her resolve to hurt him instantly melts. Years of yearning for him rushes up from inside her emotionally. She covers his mouth with hers and kisses him passionately, pushing her tongue deep inside his mouth. She uses her arms to pin him down. Blackadder can very easily push her off of him if he wants to, but he doesn't. He returns her kisses and relaxes his body. SaRa senses she no longer needs to keep him pinned down. She moves her hands upward and gently runs her fingers through his dark, long beautiful hair. He embraces her and together they quickly grow more excited in what they are doing.
SaRa: Wait. Give me a few seconds to get out of this outfit.
Blackadder (breathing hard): I'll help you.
A moment later they are both unclothed and rolling around together on the bed. Then onto the floor. Then with him pinning her against the wall. Then back onto the floor. Later they somehow they end up back on the bed.
SaRa cannot contain herself. She cries out with joy, as it is every bit as satisfying as she imagined it would be.
There is a timid knock on the door. It opens and there is Claire. She is dressed in one of the prince's robes.
SaRa: What do YOU want?
Claire: What do you think? You didn't leave any marks or bruises on him, did you?
Blackadder: Claire? What are you doing here?
Claire walks over and joins the both of them in bed.
Claire: How do you feel about threesomes, SaRa?
SaRa's eyes brighten and she grins wickedly.
Blackadder looks at them nervously and makes a move toward the door.
Claire: Oh, no you don't!
The two girls grab hold of him and pull him back onto the bed.
SaRa: Don't make me use that riding crop on you, Edmund.
Claire: Unless you want her to.
Scene fades. It is now the following morning.
Blackadder is finishing his morning bath. Thoughts of last night with SaRa and Claire keep running through his mind. He reaches over for his towel, then realizes he forgot to get one. There is a gentle knock on the door, then it opens.
Claire: I thought you might need this. (holds out a large bath towel)
She walks toward him and smiles as she carries the towel.
Blackadder doesn't say a word. He smiles as he stares as what she is wearing: that same saucy French maid's outfit with the black fishnet stockings. He thinks of last night in the prince's chambers when he first saw her wearing that. If the prince hadn't ordered him out of the room, Blackadder would have had Claire leave with him so he could drag her into the nearby linen closet where he would have pulled down those stockings and panties. He imagines himself pushing himself inside of her. Claire, damn you for teasing me like that and then staying in the room with the prince. Knowing how randy Prince George could be with the ladies, Blackadder figures Claire had already been shagged by him before she arrived later that night in Blackadder's room where she joined him and SaRa.
Claire: Here. Let me help dry you off with this nice big fluffy towel. Stand up.
He rises from the bathtub. The door opens and SaRa sticks her head in through the doorway. She smiles.
SaRa: Edmund, the prince is calling for his breakfast. But don't trouble yourself. I'll take his tray upstairs for you. I can see you and Claire are going to be very busy for now.
Claire grins as she sees how Blackadder's body has betrayed him. He doesn't want Claire to know how easily she excites him, but it's obvious she has that effect on him when she's wearing that outfit.
Claire gently blots him dry with the towel. He hasn't spoken since she came in the room. His body is still a little damp from his bath, but he can wait no longer. Blackadder takes the towel out of Claire's hands and tosses it aside. He takes her in his arms and kisses her passionately. She feels his tongue probing the inside of her mouth. Then he gently kisses her along her neck and she tilts her head slightly back and moans.
Claire: Edmund, oh, Edmund.
Blackadder: Claire. Promise me you'll wear this outfit only for me and no one else. Especially not for Prince George.
Claire: Whatever you say. Just take me now, Edmund. Please!
He pulls down her stockings and panties. She has already kicked off her shoes and finishes removing her stockings and panties from her smooth, silky legs. Claire spreads them apart and helps guide him as he eagerly pushes himself inside of her. She feels warm, moist and tight around him. They are both on the floor now.
Claire: Yes, Edmund! Yes! Do it! Do it! Harder! Harder! Don't hold back on me now!
Scene fades. We now see SaRa wearing her Dominatrix outfit as she carries the breakfast tray to Prince George's chambers.
SaRa: Good morning, sir. Here's your breakfast.
Prince George: Good morning, SaRa. Where's Blackadder? Not that I'm not happy to see you. My, don't you look especially fetching this morning! Is that the new look for maids' uniforms these days?
SaRa: Mr. Blackadder is detained at the moment. And thank you for the compliment, sir. If you like this look, we could make it my uniform from now on. After all, you are the prince and whatever you say goes.
Prince George: Damn right. Come here, SaRa. (He pats the side of the bed, indicating he wants her to join him there.)
SaRa sets the tray on a table. She climbs onto the bed.
SaRa: All right. But won't your breakfast get cold?
Prince George: Never mind that. Why don't you help me work up a healthy appetite? Woof-woof!
He eagerly embraces her and rolls over on her, kissing her and fondling her.
Prince George: Let's get you out of that outfit for now, shall we?
SaRa smiles. She was hoping she'd be able to shag the prince as well as Blackadder. Looks like she won't have long to wait.
Scene fades.
SCENE: Later that evening. Prince George has retired early, so he is in his chambers. Blackadder and Claire are in Blackadder's room. He is sitting in a corner chair and she (dressed in her French maid's outfit) is seated on his lap. They cannot take their eyes off of each other.
He reaches over for his water goblet on the table nearby. Then he notices a thick layer of dust on the table.
Blackadder: Looks like a certain maid has been neglecting her duties. I'll bet I could write my name in the dust that has collected on this table.
Claire: I'm not surprised. You attended a decent school that included teaching you how to write, didn't you?
Blackadder (smiling): Are you asking for a good paddling? I should turn you over right now on my lap and let you have it.
Claire (playfully): Don't be such a tease. And what dust are you talking about? I gave that table a good dusting just the other day.
Blackadder: Are you sure? Look here. See what I mean?
Claire: Oh, my gosh. You're right! Edmund, I honestly don't know how it could have gotten dusty overnight so quickly. Wait a second. There's writing in that dust. Did you write that? It doesn't look like your name.
Blackadder: Let me take a closer look.
Claire gets off of his lap.
Blackadder: What? Must be some sort of code. I don't understand it.
Claire takes a look at the writing in the dust. Her face turns pale and she shakes nervously.
Blackadder: Claire? What's wrong? You look so frightened. What is it?
Claire: Hold me, Edmund. Just hold me close and don't let go of me.
Blackadder: All right, dear. Tell me what's wrong. (He holds her closely.)
Claire: I need to get SaRa. Quickly now! (She moves toward the door and he goes with her.)
Claire opens the door.
Claire: SaRa! Get over here quickly, please!
A few seconds later SaRa comes running into the room. She is dressed in her Dominatrix outfit.
SaRa: What is it, Claire?
Claire (pointing to the writing in the dust on the table): Look!
SaRa: What's this? (reads the words out loud) 'Computer, end program.'
Claire: No! Not out loud!
But it is too late. Edmund Blackadder disappears instantly. So does the table covered with dust and the entire room and the home of Prince George. SaRa and Claire find themselves standing in an empty holodeck.
There is a sound of a pair of hands slowly clapping. They turn and see Q2 in the corner of the holodeck chamber. He smiles and walks toward them.
Q2: Congratulations. You made it back.
Claire: Explain.
SaRa: It wasn't real? You tricked us!
Claire: Why the deception, Q2?
Q2: Ladies, bear with me. I'll explain everything. But first, know that Ensign Harry Kim is not to blame. He knew nothing of what I was doing. He honestly believed that the holodecks were malfunctioning because I tampered with them and made him believe they were in need of repair. But what he didn't know was that I kept this one here, the one you were in, up and running, and fixed it so that he and everyone else, including the ship's sensors, were kept from knowing it was operating at full capacity and that you both were in it.
SaRa: Why? What possible reason could you have for tricking us like that?
Q2: Oh, come now, ladies. Think carefully. You're both intelligent women. You've been through at least a dozen different holodeck programs, right?
Claire: Right. So?
Q2: And I'll bet after the first couple of times, the novelty kind of wore off, didn't it? The time before this didn't you know on a level above your subconscious that the artificial beings in the holodeck with you weren't real?
SaRa: Yes. What's your point?
Q2: I wanted you both to get the most that you could out of this holodeck experience. The only way to accomplish that was to fix it so you didn't know it was only a holodeck program. Suppose you DID know it was only a holodeck program. Seconds after I left you in Prince George's chambers, you most likely would have stayed there when you heard Blackadder's footsteps approaching. You would have waited for him to enter the room, then you would have grabbed him by his jacket and flung him onto the bed where you would have jumped on him, tore off his clothes and had your way with him. Right?
Claire: Maybe. And?
Q2: Ditto for when the prince came in a few minutes later. Then the program would have ended because you both would have accomplished what you wanted to do: shag the prince and the butler. Now, by doing it MY way, you had a much more fulfilling and exciting adventure. Note: When you heard those footsteps approaching, you both panicked and dove underneath the bed. Didn't you feel the rush of adrenalin? Wasn't that exciting? And what about the sex? Wasn't it so much better when you believed you were doing it with real men, not some thing made of photons and force fields?
SaRa: Claire, he has a good point. It was much more exciting than if we knew it was just a holodeck program.
Claire: Okay. So I guess we should thank you for all of this?
Q2 (smiling): I think it would be appropriate.
SaRa: Yes, Q2. Thank you.
Claire: Thanks. Can we keep these outfits?
Q2: With my compliments.
Meanwhile deep inside the holodeck program:
Baldrick: Do you think we'll ever see them again, Mr. Blackadder?
Blackadder: I don't know, Baldrick.
Baldrick: It's been over a month now, hasn't it?
Blackadder: Yes. Strange.
He never told Baldrick or Prince George how he saw both SaRa and Claire mysteriously vanish right before his eyes. They would have thought he'd lost his mind.
But not a night goes by that he doesn't think of those two young girls who briefly entered their lives.
THE END
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Sense and Sexuality (the Sprite version)
Question and Questionability (Sequel to Sense and Sexuality - Non-Sprite Version)
Prequel to this story